dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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