I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
