shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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