dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
