My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I didn't notice because vodka
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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