She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
