Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
