She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
