I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
