Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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