You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
