On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
