lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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