I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
