oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
