My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
