got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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