We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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