I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
