I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
