I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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