I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
