I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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