i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
