Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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