glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
