I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
