I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
