She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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