Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
