I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
