I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
