We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
