Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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