so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
