I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
