a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
