Your tits are I can't wait for
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
