Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
