the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
