Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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