Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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