I wish my penis had an off switch
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
