Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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