apparently the secret to your success is patron
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize