I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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