Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
