I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize