i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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