So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
