OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
