I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize