Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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