Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
worst night to have a conscience
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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