did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
