And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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