The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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