I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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