We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm really busy with my period
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