I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he shaved USA in his pubs
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
