is your mom at the bar?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
