; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
