he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
