update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
