i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We have started to decorate penises.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
