so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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