No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
