Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
