If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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