i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
