why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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