problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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