We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
