New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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