i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
