After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
